It is APRIL!!!

Where did January, February and March go. Oh my.... April is here already. I just had my birthday! I am halfway through my training for the Borneo International Marathon (not at my satisfactory level...darn you procrastination attitude!). I am trying to lose the extra kilos I gained over the Christmas holidays (year 2009, year 2010 and last year). Am into android phone - sooooo very SAMSUNG right now (sorry iPhone, should give you a chance but....)

I think I knocked myself somewhere too when every time month of April comes by. This year somehow April is extra special. Because I am suddenly looking at things in a bigger perspective. I begin to realize - that people around me can influence my mood, that abusing of the environment can shorten my life span, that giving some time before making a decision does not make me indecisive, that ME TIME is soooo liberating (need to do more often so Beverly can continue to be a SUPERSTAR in what she does) and that believing in 2nd chance is not silly! Oh! And...my eyelids are also twitching all the time. Does anyone believe what old folks use to say about twitching of the eyelid? This is not one eye of mine, but BOTH! Halo! Perhaps scientifically it means I have some nerve problem around my eyes?

Month of May is around the corner, and June is tagging along. July can't wait to emerge. August sits quietly waiting. September is preparing itself. Next thing I know...gaining the weight again during the holidays. What a cycle! But hey! It all started in April. Where my adventure begins.

A Letter From Norma

My dearest

Letters, it was the beginning of everything. Handwritten on rough papers scribbled badly sometimes. Full of stories, bad grammar. Even wrong spelling. But still, it was the best. It felt like time stop just for us….and we have the whole world as the audience. My heartbeat is always skipping a beat. You said yours too. My heartbeat still skip a beat when you are near me. Very faint, but it is there. I sometimes wish it is not so. Because I know your heartbeat beats for someone else now.

Warm hugs. It used to be frequent. Long loving hugs. Came with your fingers stroking my long hair. It felt good to be hug. It felt good to be wanted. And I always return the same. I still do. But not for you.

Family. The continuation story of our union. Beautiful children. Each and everyone is a splitting image of both of us. Giving whole new adventures to our lives, hoping all the best for them while we are still able to love and provide for them. A family. Where both you and I never had. I cherish it so much. Protect it so much. But I don’t feel the same from you.

Where are you now? Did you forget about the letters? Did you not see my shadows? Smell my scent? Feel my faint heartbeat? Miss hearing laughter of our little ones?

That Love Scenes You See In The Movies

We often see movies portrays handsome men as the hero or the savior of the world and that they get the sexy and beautiful women all the time. They even have very hot kissing scenes, making the love story part of the movie so intense. Why can't it be the same in the real world? Or why can't it be the same for us personally?
It may be a mid-life crisis that I am going through but I believe we should always be falling in love again and again with our boyfriend, our fiancee or better still our spouse. And they feel the same in return. We all should feel the intensity of the love to sustain as a couple and keep us wanting each other more all the time.
Every time I see a movie with this intense love scenes (especially in the movie Twilight!), I wish badly that the generation now will fall in love like that and stay true to their partner, no matter what. I wish that they understand what love and faithfulness is. Above all, the love will carry through to the next generation,

Lies That Destroys Another Life

I once read an article of how a man lies ever since he found out his lies managed to get him out of trouble. He began to polish his lying skill until it became so addictive that he never realized he is hurting the people who trust him so much. To him lying is part of survival. Lying makes him feel powerful. Lying makes him feel he is good at what he is doing. Never did it occur to him that just being plain honest can bring him very far. Never did it strike him that lying is actually making him the lowest of the low. He also never thought that lying to gain what he wants is actually a coward's way.

His lying is also extend to being verbally abusive. And worst of all, using people.

The article I read said this man struggled to keep lying to the people he knows and love for the sake of survival. Never once he attempt to make everything straight. What happen to this man in the article? Well, what you see in TV / Movies about character like this either dies, fall or lose. It happens in real life too. And when he wanted to make everything right, he lost everything. Moral of the article I read - the good or bad you do in your life, no matter what - will haunt you too, in a good way or bad way. And always if you do bad, it will haunt you worst. If you do good, the return usually doubles.

In Thy Hands I trust

When you give your hand to the one you love, you give your everything. At least that is what I was thought to do - only fair that you give your hand back faithfully with love and compassion. When you do that, you trust that very hand you hold and committed to. You hope the most as it is that hand that you want to guide you through the dark. It is the same hand that you want to hold to share the light you receive through your life's journey. If you have not found the right hand, don't fret. It will come to you. If you have found it, hold on tight to it and never let go.

But what do you do when the hand you are trying to hold to is letting go? Do you keep reaching out? Or do you find a new hand? If you let go, what would happen to the promise you made when you held that hand? What ever happen to the morals of keeping your promise?

When

When in your life do you consider is the turning point of your life? When you fall and got hurt? When you achieve something extra ordinary? When you lose someone you love? And does the turning point takes the best out of you or the worst? Is the turning point our own decision or force upon us?
A childhood experience which a child should not have gone through is the 1st turning point of my life. I was force to turn my life around when I hardly knew how. I know right now, millions of children are probably going through the same thing as I had 25 years ago.
2nd turning was when I had my twin sons. It was something I had wished for when I was a teenager and my wish came through. Though my younger twin did not survive, my eldest and only son now is a handsome 15 year old. Not long after having my twin sons, I had another turning point. Now, I am wishing I had not taken the turn. If I had not taken the turn, I probably do not have to make my 4th turning point now. When can we not make any turning point? How many turning points in life a person must encounter to have achieve what they want?

Hanoi. Oh Hanoi

Counted my blessings when I was in Hanoi last month. From what I see, everyone in Hanoi seemed to be just trying to survive each day slowly. You can't help but to feel that the poor dominates the population. I am sharing a short video clip to give an idea that most of the poor commute with motorbike. Hence the massive motorbike riders, average 3 person in a bike. Either with helmet or without. I was experiencing the evening life of the city and everyone is preparing for the 1000 years anniversary of Hanoi city.